Laser Tag/Transcript
James: Everyone, shut up and look at this video! (Gabe the Dog singing Tetris theme) (inhale and exhale) I love the internet. (gasp) Gabe the Dog is a rescue! Aw!! Side question, do you think Arthur Schawlow, noble prize winner and inventor of the laser in 1957, would enjoy playing a round of laser tag? Something that he invented? Someone should Tweet to him and see if we can get him to play laser tag. Oh wait, he's dead... He'd be ninety-five-years-old if he was still alive. (singing in soft falsetto) Oh, say can you see! Well, he's playing laser tag in the stars now. (gasp) What if that's what shooting stars are?! Okay, here's a story sort of related to the side question. So one time me and this group of friends went to a laser tag place, uh, arena? For someone's birthday party. I forgot how old we were but we were around fifteen-years old. So not that old but old enough to think we were old. I don't know if any of you guys have ever been to a laser tag place. But when you get there you usually have to wait for the game inside to finish up before you can go and play. So the laser tag place has these arcade games for you to play while you're waiting. So me and my friends were playing games and this group of four guys wearing all black came in. I'm talkin' black long sleeve shirts, black pants, they had black freaking gloves on. Three of them were wearing some sort of black hat and the other guy who wasn't already had black hair. They looked about eighteen, maybe nineteen-years-old. So my first thought was, Hah! Look at these goths, what dweebs!! Pfft! But then I remembered that the laser tag arena was darkly lit. These guys weren't goths, they were wearing camouflage. Part of me was thinking, wow, these guys came prepared. But the other part of me was thinking, wow, these guys are even bigger dweebs, they came prepared for a laser tag fight. I don't know what these guy's name were, but for the sake of this video we're going to call them all "Hunter". Not because they have guns and they hunt people, but because I think only people with the name "Hunter" would do this. I dunno why I'm biased against the name "Hunter", it's just one of those names. If someone named Hunter is watching, uh..I'm not sorry. Before you go in and play laser tag you all sit in this room and some employee tells you the rules of the game. And then at the end they make you repeat the rules to them. So they say: *'Employee:' I will not run, jump or climb. *'James:' And then you say, "I will not run, jump or climb." But I remember while we were chanting the rules the four guys were just staring off and not repeating anything. Guys, I think these four are planning on running, jumping and/or climbing. So, we all start playing the game. This was the type of laser tag that you gotta make up a name for yourself. And it would tell you who shot who, and there were three teams. There was the red team, the yellow team, and either the blue or green team, I forgot the color, it's not important. So while we were playing we were having fun like any person playing laser tag would. And then I run into this group of people who are wearing strobe lights! I couldn't see their faces or any direction really. But I knew immediately who it was. Do you wanna take a wild...FREAKIN' guess who?! (Yeah, I said freakin' in a YouTube video. What'cha gonna do??) *'Alex:' I-it was the Hunters! *'James:' IT WAS THE HUNTERS!! So I got hit many time by them and then I broke one of the rules. I ran away like anyone should when getting hit by Light Amplification by Stimulated Emissions of Radiation. I found one of my friends and I said, "Did you see the guys with the strobe lights?" And he said: *'TJ:' Yeah. And they gave me this scar! *'James:' And he had a twelve inch scar on his face, and I'm just kidding, that didn't happen, it was lasers. So later in the game I got to one of the high towers to get a good vantage point. I'm about to straight up SNIPE one of these dweebs! I waited for about ten seconds when I saw a flashing light followed by darkness followed by another flashing light very quickly in the distance. And I just started SPAMMING the trigger! I couldn't see any of their flashing lights that you're supposed to hit, so I was just aiming at a glowing ball. And then I hit one of them and I knew immediately it was them because, heh, remember how we got to name ourselves? Well no one really took that seriously. We all came up with joke names like Butt Fart, or Big Wiener, or Shooty McShootface. I'm just kidding on that last one, that meme didn't exist back then. But the name that I chose was... Are you ready for this? A_Girl. Let me explain. When you got shot with a laser it would say who shot you. So whenever I shot someone it would say A_Girl shot you. I mean, sure it's sexist, but I thought it was the pinnacle of my comedy career. So I dunno if any of you guys have been in this situation but let me tell you it is very hard to keep a straight face when halfway across the laser tag arena, an almost adult man screams with 100% seriousness: *'Hunter:' I'm gonna kill you girl!! *'James:' That's how I knew I hit someone. It's when Hunter screamed that. So everything was pretty normal after that. I finished playing the game, and then when the game was over, I see the Hunters holding a wad of black electrical tape in their hands. I'm not saying that they put black tape over their sensors so you couldn't see them, but they totally put black tape over their sensors so you couldn't see them! Luckily though, their team didn't win so, hah! I mean, neither did my team but it's not important. But I mean, screw those guys! Can you imagine them in the car driving to the laser tag place? Hunter is driving and he looks over and says: *'Hunter #1:' Hunter did you bring the strobe lights? *'Hunter #2:' Yeah Hunter, I brought 'em. *'Hunter #1:' Hunter, you brought the tape, right? *'Hunter #3:' Yeah, it's right here Hunter. *'Hunter #1:' Hey Hunter, where's your hat? *'Hunter #4:' Oh, Hunter said he was going to bring me one. *'Hunter #2:' Oh, sorry Hunter, I forgot. *'Hunter #3:' Here Hunter, take my hat. My hair is already black. *'Hunter #4:' Thanks Hunter, you're the best! *'James:' Yeah, Hunter sucks! If your name is Hunter you probably suck too. End-card *'James:' So, yeah, I'm sorry this video took a long time to make, it's been about three weeks. I've just been busy....celebrating my birthday. But, in case you didn't know, check out any of these social platforms because I also post comics too! Look, here's some comics that I posted in between videos. So- so that way you'll never go that long without something to laugh at. I feel like I have to keep mentioning that I make comics because you guys just keep on coming, stay back! And I got this e-mail of May 4th and it is too perfect not to read. Here we go. "Hi James, my name is Hunter and I'm an Airsofter." And then in parentheses, "Look it up it's like paint ball!" Dude, I know what Airsofting is, see look, every Hunter has an obsession with shooting stuff! I-I think it's in their name. "I was wondering if you could give my channel a shout-out because I only have seventeen subscribers and I really like your channel and it would be a big help, blah blah blah blah. Please, that's all I'm asking, man if you do then you're the best YouTuber out there. Thank you, have a nice day." Okay Hunter, here's your shout-out, everyone, go subscribe to Hunter. I dunno his YouTube channel, he didn't mention it. Classic Hunter, always forgetting to tell me his YouTube channel, here's your shout-out Hunter. But seriously Hunter, thanks for liking my stuff, you don't suck. Okay. (kiss) *'Alex:' My brother's named Hunter, my dad is named Hunter, my mom is named Huntra, Warrior Princess of the Amazon, she uhhh...has got a mean left hook. Category:Transcripts